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Right now..

At this moment..

My heart hurts..

Alot..

No matter how many times I write it, nor how many times I say it, it hurts..

It hurts alot..

Frick.

Let Your glory be revealed, please and thank You.

Man God.

My only request to You is..

Let this passion continue to burn deeper, and greater.

I'm far from burning out, I will never burn out because Your love is simply too good to be true,

but I just want more. Is it too much to ask for more of You?

I hate being a church, a "ministry" that's just content with everything.

BUT

Doesn't everything flow from the top down?

Maybe I should look in the mirror and say, well you don't have the same attitude as last year.

Well, after praying about it..I understand that last year I was in molding the foundation mode, and now I'm in working on the people around me mode.

Interestingly enough I just finished up my first mentorship session and it went fairly well, I think? Haha only time will tell on what God is truly doing in GPC.

I love faithful, obedient, and willing to sacrifice, hearts. It's what's going to take this ministry to the next level, but it's going to be a huge hurdle.

I truly believe that God is installing people with that same attitude that I had last year. I'm in a season where I just get to advise and listen to God and try to position people the best to succeed.

Seasons come and go. Falling leaves, to snow, to fresh blossoms, and awesome sun. Seasons come and go with ministry, and I'm understanding what season I'm currently in..

What Identity I'm walking in...

So my last thing to speak would be, can I just hear Your voice a little bit more clear?

Your grateful son,

JBH

P.S. The revelation of God and His love is crazy. CRAZY.

Don't be scared to be swept off your feet.

ALSO..

I was skimming through some of my other posts, and if you haven't been able to read them, you should :)

God bless!

My thoughts as February begins.

I'm turning 21 in 2 days.

FRICK.

Where has the time gone? I remember as if it were yesterday that I was playing football as a youngin' with the GPC crew back in the day, down at the other church. Peyton Manning doesn't know this, but he did a reenactment of his SNL skit(which was a total joke) of what Pastor Jay use to do to us(totally serious).

If we didn't catch the ball or if we messed up his rhythm, next time we got the ball, he was chucking it as hard as he could, at our heads.

True story, and Pastor isn't ashamed, he admits he was a jerk to us little ones lol, but GLORY, he's redeemed by Jesus.

On to another topic I guess, and this one also includes Pastor Jaymo.

The other night we met up and we had a 1 on 1 because, well ministry tends to let that happen, and it's definitely needed. I was prepared for what God was going to speak, but none the less, I was not prepared and there are some things that are just really rocking me right now.

*WARNING*

This is only about 10% of what's rattling through my brain.

Sacrifice and obedience.

Letting go for the sake of the cross.

These 2 things are just shaking up everything within me. Not just because it's for me, but it's for so many of the things that are going inside our church.

It's so relevant, yet we bind ourselves from making it happen.

What does sacrifice look like?

What does obedience look like?

What does letting go for the sake of the cross look like?

I look at everything around me and I can say this and that, and oh I think that this would be good and that would be good, but I'm not God. I don't make His decisions, and I'm nobody's boss, so I don't make anybody else's decision either..

BUT COME ON!!

I see this and all I want to do is rip my shirt off like the incredible hulk and scream as if someone has stolen my bride away from me.

But letting go for the sake of the cross..

I think I'm starting to understand this better. So if I've warned you about something, and you didn't listen, i'm not going to waste my time and keep bugging you. I'll continue to be there to love and support, but ultimately it's between you and God, and I'll wait for the "I told you so" moment.

It's crazy because I went through this with my Pastor. Crazy.

I just want to personally thank this person, you know who you are. Thank you for being obedient and listening to me even though you could've turned your back and go a different path. I'm going to do my best to help you become a great leader. Jesus already made the call.

There are other things that are bugging me, BUT..

Until next time. I must go work out.

-JBH

Remembering why I do it.

I've never ever felt this before. My heart is in pain and my mind is consistently cluttered with thoughts of their faces, thoughts, personalities, interests, definition, meaning, hope, brokeness, revival, freedom, and literal being. These young men and women know not of a God of/as love, hope, justice, completeness, helper, best friend, father, creator, but just a God whos there. I wonder how much pain and sorrow i've conflicted with simply being neglegent to our youth group by just being content with myself and my well being. My role as a praise leader can also be defined as a praise fool for being completely caught in myself, for myself, and only myself. I wonder where the years have gone where I would lead worship on fridays and sundays, consistently seeking breakthrough, yet I was simply the man at the gate with no key. "Where is God"?, I continually asked myself. Where is this God that I know to set this youth group free. From the pain of their families, from the pain of their friends, from the pain of mistrusts and insecurities, and from the pains of relationships going astray and simply becoming nonexsistent. "Lord I seek revelation", I would always think to myself. But did I truly seek revelation or was I scared to face who I was and am and who I'm supposed to become? Was I scared because I knew deep down inside I knew I was supposed to do this but became a coward to simply deny it all? Why can I not feel complete with what i've done? Did i accomplish nothing as a "leader"? Did I even attempt to reach out even when I had the chance? These kids deserve so much better and I'm scared because I don't think I'm good enough. All I think about now is them and how much they mean to me. I've come to realize how much I love these kids. How much they mean to me and how much I'm going to mean to them. I realize that God has put me in a position to where I'm at that gate with not a key, but with a sledgehammer. The walls are many but my strength is from Him. I'm simply scared to love these kids, to become attached, to become unconditionally in love with them because I don't want to see them hurt, embarrassed, sad, depressed, or hopeless. I want to see them succeed not only as students but as teenagers growing into adults. I was reluctant but now I'm in all the way. I don't know why I wrote this but it's been on my heart for a while! REVOLUTION BABY, GOD LEAD ME!

This was February?

I looked at this, and surprisingly enough, I still feel the same way.

I see broken hearts and I see people that are trying to reach out desperately to God..

I'm reaching my hand out, and so is God.

I see you Devil. I see you from across the room looking sly and tempting. I'll punch you in the face before I let you in my church.

Have a great night, and for anyone that runs across this, God Bless and be a difference in this world.

The movement..

Speaking out all your pains, frustrations, sadness, sorrows, struggles, and embarrassment.
Admitting the hurt, the humilation, the anger, the lonliness, the depression, and everything that's within.
This is how healing starts.


I am no psychologist, but I do speak on behalf that this is something that I had to go through before open wounds could start closing. This is what I'm going to have to continue to go through.


My heart is deeply connected to all of you, and I hate to see anyone hurt. This is for my family of Seattle Grace. Just know that I am all ears for you guys and I would never tell anything that you did not want me to tell. You have to understand that I am here to help, so please let me help. I promise to give you 100% of my attention and to try to be as wise as God will allow me to be. I promise to be with you, side by side, ready to face any obstacle that's presented. I promise..

Seattle Grace, We are going through a season of "letting go" and "speaking out" and finally "healing" in some aspects of our lives. I am one of many leaders who are here to be here to support you guys. Please do not be afraid..

You are whole because Christ made you whole.
You are beautiful and wonderful because you were made in the image of God.
You are going to be a world changer and a revolutionist.
God will use you to be one of the greatest influences on somebodys life.

I wanna leave off with this.





Jesus wept..